Are you a people pleaser?
Be honest, do you say yes to things that you shouldn’t say yes to and then instantly regret it or certainly regret it down the line? If so, you’re going to want to watch this video.
Are you a people pleaser? Be honest, do you say yes to things that you shouldn’t say yes to and then instantly regret it or certainly regret it down the line? If so, you’re going to want to watch read on…
To say no for people pleasers and I count myself as one of those, can be a really painful thing. If you’re a people pleaser, you’ve decided that if you say yes to people, people like you. Of course, they do because you’re saying yes to whatever it is they want! We don’t like saying no because we think that if we say no that somehow, it’s going to reflect badly on us and they’re just going to like us a little bit less.
It’s really important actually that we have a really strong NO. Here’s the thing if you’ve got a weak no like a lot of people pleasers do, then actually what happens is you’ve got a really weak yes. So, I started off this whole video by saying to you, if you’re someone that’s saying yes to thing then regret it later, actually that wasn’t a really strong committed yes.
You said yes out of obligation, you said yes because you thought you should, you said yes because you wanted them to like you. It wasn’t a strong yes, which means of course you resent it later, you regret saying yes later, you beat yourself up for saying yes again to something you shouldn’t have done. It distracts you from your agenda, it takes you away from your goals, your life, whatever it is that you’re trying to work on.
So, before you can have a really strong yes, you need to have a cast iron NO. What that means is if you’re able to really say no and mean no, then when you say yes you also really mean yes. This is very important, this is very, very powerful. You cannot have a strong yes until you have a strong no. You see if I’m able to say no to your request or say no to you on something and I really can say no and mean that no and it’s a cast iron strong no, it means that when I say yes, I really mean yes.
I’m not going to resent it, I’m not going to regret it later and actually you know what you deserve that from me, if you’ve asked me for something and I’ve said yes you deserve me to do it willingly. Not begrudgingly or resentfully. So, if you’re a people pleaser like myself then you must have a cast iron no, and the good thing about that is you also get a cast iron yes by default at the back end.
So, learn to say no, mean no and then when you say yes you will mean yes.
You’re going to have a better experience and all those people who are asking you for things actually get the best of you, rather than they get you begrudgingly or resentfully or whatever it is helping them. So, think about that, cast iron NO. It’s a discipline, it’s a commitment, it’s a habit you need to create. Start saying no to things, you’ll feel bad initially, it gets easier and it gets easier and then start really having that cast iron NO. No means no and then practice it and practice it in the right way to things that you actually mean no to, and then you’re going to see yourself transform.
You’ll be able to say no to people, you won’t feel bad about it, you’ll say yes and you’ll feel good about that, and you know what you’ll be on your own agenda, on your own path and if you choose to help someone, it’s because you choose to help someone. Not because you’re being manipulated by something that makes you feel somehow you’re going to be less loved, less liked, less worthy if you say no to someone. It’s a habit definitely worth developing.
Until next time, be successful.
About The Author
George Swift - The Mindset Mechanic
George is the Founder of BBB Success Groups and the driving force behind the content, tools and techniques at BBB. Driven by a lifetime of knowing life could be better, George has spent over 20 years understanding how the mind creates the experience we have in this world and how it ultimately determines our success.