One of the fundamentals of success and of personal performance is the juggling act of many personality traits. Many of which are conflicting with each other.
In case you haven’t worked this out already, there are multiple personalities going on in your head. You have part of your brain that says I really want to be successful and another part of you says I don’t really want to work very hard.
These conflicting personality traits are holding you back.
I want to talk to you today about one of the fundamentals of success and of personal performance and that is the juggling act of many personality traits. Many of which are conflicting with each other.
So in case you haven’t worked this out already, there are multiple personalities going on in your head. You have part of your brain that says I really want to be successful and another part of your head that says I don’t really want to work very hard. A big part of your life that says I want to be liked and I want to be loved and I want to be out there meeting people and another part saying I don’t want to be judged and I don’t want to be criticised and I don’t want to be rejected. Another part of you says I really want to make money and be rich, whilst another part of you says I don’t want to be greedy, I don’t want to earn too much money.
These conflicting personality traits are holding you back. Imagine they’re like forces, like elastic bands. You’ve got a lot of elastic bands pulling you in one direction and you’ve got some elastic bands pulling you in another direction. Depending on where the majority of the force is, will determine which way you tend to go. If the majority of your personality traits pull you towards what we might say successful behaviours or successful traits are, then you’ll be moving forward and you’ll be creating a degree of success. If the majority however of those forces are pulling away from that, then of course you’ll be having really limited success. Dare I say it even potentially failure.
Of course, very few of us are completely pulled in one direction or the other. Most of us can see straight away when we look at ourselves and we listen to our thoughts and even look at our own emotions about how we are being pulled from one way to the other, that we have had conflicting desires conflicting outcomes. The ones we really like – to be outgoing and to be excepted by people and then the ones that are really fearful – of being rejected and criticised. That limits our behaviour, it stops us getting the most out of that aspect of our lives.
I want to be fit and slim and healthy and have a six pack but I don’t want to starve myself. I don’t want to work too hard in the gym I don’t want to go without chocolate cake or beer or wine or whatever it might be. These conflicting traits are holding you in a kind of equilibrium. You might be slowly moving towards more greater levels of success, you might actually be going the other way. Actually, what tends to happen eventually we kind of get stuck in equilibrium. All these elastic bands going out tend to be like a spider’s web and we can get caught in that web and we are kind of in this place of not really achieving all that we want to achieve but equally we’re kind of in a place we aren’t necessarily failing. This is a trait we find a lot with semi-successful people.
Semi-successful people have come so far and then they get stuck in this equilibrium. Unless we start to cut those bands which are holding us back, we are going to really struggle to keep moving forward. In fact the more we move forward the tighter those bands are going to get and the more they going to hold us back and were going to find another equilibrium. In fact moving forward becomes so hard, so tough that eventually we can get so exhausted that we just put up with what we’ve got, or maybe even relax a little bit and we might end up going back to where we started or heaven forbid sometimes even worse than where we started.
Here’s what you’ve got to do. You need to cut those bands that are holding you back and then you can absolutely fly forward. If you didn’t have the fear of being rejected or criticised or judged then you can absolutely just fly forward with your ambitions of being gregarious and being out there and meeting people so that you can be liked and loved and accepted and acknowledged. Whatever it is that you might be driven by in that area of your life. If I could cut the band of me saying I don’t want to do go without chocolate I don’t want to go without coffee I don’t want to go without sugar or ice cream or whatever, I can leap forward with my being healthy and getting health that I’m looking. It’s the same with money, the same with your relationship, the same with absolutely everything in your life.
The first part of this is very simple, you have to become aware of these contradictory traits within you. Understand that your brain is an amalgamation of learnings and conditioning from the whole of your life and those learnings and conditionings have been contradictory. You have been taught all the things, you’ve learnt all these things – Be successful, but don’t be too successful. Be rich but not too rich. Be healthy, but don’t sacrifice your enjoyments. First of all you need to become really aware of what these conflicting character traits are in you. Then you can start to delve in and really start to choose for yourself which are the ones that are going to take you where you want to get to. I am not here to tell you that one is worse or better than the other. I’m here simply to say that when you’re stuck in this position and you’re frustrated, somethings got to give. For me personally I am always going to back success and ambition. I’m always going to back growth, which means cutting the ties of those things are holding us back so we can make a huge leap forward in our personal performance and our overall success.
Where are your personality traits conflict. Get that awareness, start to make the choices for yourself. Which ones are you going to live in to. Then it is just a case of breaking a habit. Every time you start feeling yourself going down that route, we have to break the habit and we have to deliberately start to go down this other route. You can do some person development on yourself, get some therapy even and work out why you have these bands that hold you back and sometimes that can help disperse them. You don’t always have to do it on your own, but the awareness is the key to the beginnings. Awareness can actually be one of the first instruments to really start cutting these strands, these bands that are holding us back from everything we could be and everything we could have. Get the awareness, look at your personality and realise you really do have multiple personalities. It’s not a massive disorder for you, we just need to work out what’s going on, then we can make some cuts and then we can move forward. Typically in really big ways.
Until next time, be successful
About The Author
George Swift - The Mindset Mechanic
George is the Founder of BBB Success Groups and the driving force behind the content, tools and techniques at BBB. Driven by a lifetime of knowing life could be better, George has spent over 20 years understanding how the mind creates the experience we have in this world and how it ultimately determines our success.